I officially became a Single parent/woman, when I signed those beloved papers. PAUSE. Lets get something very clear, before anyone asks about the ex. I may be a divorced mother with a blog (a powerful thing in my mind), but there is no way in heck/hell (choose one) am I going to spend all my energy bashing my ex-husband here. If that is what you are expecting, think again. The two of us have over the years figured out a co parenting – me doing a good share, that works the best for out kids. It is not always perfect, far from. But once my queens are allowed to grow up with as much love and stability as possible, I could give a rats ass about what everyone else thinks. I’m not saying some mention of past drama wont be mentioned, but that part of my closet has been de-cluttered ( well most of it)
Now that we have cleared the air, yes I am a Single mother of two wonderful, vocal, full of energy young girls. I also work full time, which between the two roles, leaves me with very little time and energy for me. To be fair I do get two weekends a month, which I understand to be a luxury for many parents. DATE however has slowly become one of those four letter words that have escaped my reality. It is not that I don’t want to. I mean who doesn’t want to have some romance in their life to give them a reason to break out the new Spanx and lipstick color. There just seems to be a few obstacles that keep this from happening. I accept that a few on the lists are within my control but hey I am still working on my closet.
Here goes my list of why DATE is presently a disappearing Four letter word in my vocab:
- I am 36 years and thanks to genetics and a good foundation, I can sometimes pass for 31 ( based on a quick survey I did last night) on an average Friday night. This thus results in guys, in their early twenties, approaching me. This is great for the ego, and would be great if I was looking for entertainment. But at this stage of my life I can get my entertainment from watching Scandal on TV or sushi night with my friends. No body’s mother is gonna call me “Stella”. Plus I don’t want to rob any young guy the opportunity of experiencing all that life is.
- I have two kids, and not just any kids, I have daughters. This means that I have to be very careful with what type of man I bring into my life and theirs. Based on my childhood experiences and those of a few others, whose stories I have leant a listening ear. There are just two much reasons why mothers need to be extra careful.
- Not a lot of men are willing to date a woman with 2 kids. They rightfully understand that she is not about games and that her time is limited. The myth that single moms smell of baby food and have no sex drive is a nasty ,nasty lie, who ever said this haven’t met my friends; we carry cute purses to dates, not diaper bags. This is their lost though, because in a mother you get a multitasker, compassionate woman who works a budget.
- I may have already verbally damaged a guy or two in my pursuit for happiness. I have been told that I have a way with words. In my defense, two of them deserved every word that they got. But there was one that I should have left the relationship at a friendship, some things are best left the way they are. not all things are meant to evolve.
After saying all that, there are moments where I still think of candle lit dinners, walks on the beach and grown up conversation. I guess when the right Hello meets the right Hi, it might just result in a Date. Until then Scandal is there.