Juggling Life’s Choices

If you are not willing to take risks, should you reap the rewards?

My brain is not allowing me to put my thoughts together. There seems to be an internal battle within my mind and to agitate resources more a separate battle between heart and mind. One can easily say that my focus is all over the place. This is one of the reasons I have elected to limit my writing lately, as there seems to be just too much to say, feel and write.

Cycles of determination to move forward with my life are having a heck of a time combatting self-doubt. And as the universe has shown, there will always be people to project their own negative thoughts/experiences to thicken the mist of doubt, impairing my view of my goals. There have been moments recently where I have had to literally shake myself or counsel my own self to walk by faith until my eyes get it right. I know the idea of failure is not a possibility as I was not born with the safety net or silver spoon to allow for Plan B’s or Plan C’s, so the pressure of getting it right feels heavy on my shoulders.

In addition to my personal goals, which can envelop anyone’s mind on its own. There is also the emotional juggle of choosing to walk the path of the known versus the unknown. The known offers the safe and tranquil waters of a gentle pond. I know this pond, I know the path. Each turn to get to this pond is known. I have spent many beautiful days at/with this pond. But are those type of days enough? Were they ever enough? Has its safety always represented in itself a shallow shell of existence? And as gentle as this pond may appear, the fall out this time can be tragic.

Then there is the unknown and the unknown brings doubt, challenge, risk and creativity. The unknown clearly has waves and possible storms ahead. But within the unknown, lies the passionate turns that evoke a hidden idea of adventure. The challenge to reign in the source of this force would either drive me to a higher appreciation of self or leave me shattered on the rocks of life.

And of course there are still the other balls being juggled by my ever active mind, but to release all at one time would take too much energy out of me; as I am still learning the intricate paths of the thoughts hidden throughout my mind.

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