Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to observe people, ask questions, and talk to different types of people. I learn a lot and I am also highly entertained by thoughts of others; even when we will never agree. A recent discussion with “younger” coworkers, and then later with some of my friends and acquaintances (spanning a large age gap) have led me to fully open my eyes to how early in life this generation is becoming sexual.
It feels to me that our babies are leaving the cribs and crawling directly to the strip clubs. I understand and appreciate, need I add that I too have enjoyed sex fully (yes I said it), so I know the lure. But I believe children should be allowed to be ….children. As we are not raising them to be future pimps and prostitutes. I know I am going against society’s norm. But if we can get so emotional and angry when we see children in other countries being trafficked as sex objects, why can’t we also get emotional when our little kids are becoming unpaid/ or paid, and in many cases, willing objects.
Thus my letter to my daughters (Every parent is going to choose their own path, this is mine, may not work for you, but at least it will start the conversation going)
You may have noticed the recent stress lines and worry on my face, while I stare at you throughout the day. Do not worry too much, you haven’t done anything wrong (this time). I never thought in all my 30+ years that I would have to discuss this with you. Then again you know when I’m lying so let me start this over. I never really wanted to have these talks with you. Deep down I dreaded them, silently hoping that I would not have to. But what kind of mother would I be if I left you clueless and unaware of the truth. So here goes.
From a random poll that I have done, it is showing that kids are starting to have sex between the ages of 11-13. As one of you is already eleven, I am sure you can understand the beautiful puke like color that may face must resemble as I write this. I am not going to lie and say that sex isn’t fun. It really can be. You know your mother is no virgin, clearly you are here. And I am sure that your active classmates will give you great stories of how they hung from chandeliers (adult joke). Do know that half of them are lying and more resemble clumsy goats rolling down a hill instead.
We have already had a few birds and the bees’ talks, the whole reproductive talks, health; and God bless your teacher for going even further with all of the medical stuff. We have discussed the basic consequences of sex the good and the bad. We have had various talks about Soul ties, self-worth, beauty, and the crazy stuff guys say. So I can assume you have a steady foundation on the topic. I could be wrong, it won’t be the first time.
The road I have asked you to walk (with your legs closed) is a lonely one in today’s society. Today so many kids for various reasons, whether they are victims of molestation or victims of a sexualized society are having sex way too early. Peer pressure is a Bitch (Yes mommy said bitch, get over it). It was hard for me when I was in school, and I know it will be harder for you. I think of what you are going to face in high-school and part of me wants to keep you bubble wrapped and locked away (but you already know how to pick locks). So instead this is what I will do.
I can’t walk this journey for you, this is not as simple as baking you cupcakes or wiping your nose when you are sick. But I can walk beside you and guide you. To expect perfection though acknowledging that I alone am human would be hypocritical. And as such I am hereby promising you that I will walk, legs closed with you. I will as your Mother, but first as a Woman, refrain from having sex until marriage. Choosing to conduct myself with the same virtues that I hope that you may someday choose.
I know I could have easily said, “My house, my rules”. But you are my child, I know that there is a rebel within you (I am even proud of it). I am strong minded as a mule, and each of you have the same if not more mule like qualities. Instead I offer my love and my understanding of your journey. I promise to always have an open ear and a forgiving heart. For as your mother, I know oh so well what lies ahead (mommy is no angel). My walk will not be that easy either, as it takes a lot to withdraw from that particular “art form”. But you are worth it, you are both worth it. If this sacrifice gives you the courage to make intelligent decisions regarding your body, it would be worth it. If you are able to wait until you are old enough and truly ready for the full experience, (waiting until marriage though preferred, is a personal decision that as an adult only you can make) it will be worth it.
No matter where our walk may lead us, always know that I love you and though I am not perfect, my love and support for you will never sway.