I had this big idea to write about Fathers today, you know a few paragraphs to highlight the Dads that I know. For this year, like every other year, Father’s day gets little to no attention, whereas Mother’s day gets a whole explosion of promotion. But for some reason I am just not motivated to write this today, I do promise to pay it proper attention before Father’s day though. So today I am going to see what thought is trying to escape the padded walls of my brain and let them do their own dance on the keyboard, not too sure where this is going to go (no I do not always have a plan)
As my Birthday is getting closer, I tend to do what a lot of others do and review my past year/s. I spend a few moments during my selfish hour daily, (I don’t always get to take 60 minutes in one go, but trust me I am taking and deserve mine), and just think about all that I have done and how my mental and emotional settings have changed over the year/s. One word keeps coming up, as I see it occurring near each life step… DISTRACTIONS. For me, distractions can be as simple as a new friend, an old friend, occupational challenges or diversions, health issues, family members, a random person’s energy or words, love and the bad boy himself lust. There have been so many occasions in my life where I would lose focus and be sidetracked by distractions. Clearly I have had no real right to throw those numerous pity party for one, where I moan over how I have not achieved this or that goal, or I am nowhere near where I need to be. How can I be upset when I did it to myself?
You know moments where you would feel the deep need to be there for someone or project, even when you know better. I mean the types where every strand and cell in my body would scream “run child run”. I really don’t know why I think it is my job to be there for the whole human race. I mean nothing is wrong with helping people, I like helping people. But there are those few that would suck your very essence out of you, while you try to be supportive, leaving you an empty shell of what you were. Some people are just happy being their funky, old, drama filled, negative self, and there is no rainbow or glittery pony that you can give them to make them change. Sometimes we just have to throw up a protective wall to those people and back away slowly to the other corner of the room. I’m just saying, I love/like/lust you and all but let’s do this love/like/lust thing from a distance. That way I can keep on my path in life which is quite simple, stay sane, well fed, and happy while I achieve my goals while dreaming up some more goals… my path is simple.
To achieve my goals I need to stay on path! It does not mean that I have to lock myself away in a room like a mad scientist, but it requires focus. Shit is going to happen, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Something or someone is always going to come along and try to throw grenades at you along the way. Some of these grenades are not intentional, many times it just part of their makeup. But there will be those that maliciously try to show shade on your glow, as they are afraid to shine in their own universe…. To those humans and their energy, all I can say is… NOT TODAY and guess what, my universe is filled to capacity, so I don’t see you finding a spot in it tomorrow either.
At the end of the day, I am getting too old for this. If I am honest with myself I would admit that I have been too old for this a few decades. Yes I am still going to try to be me. In my opinion, Bitter and Selfish is not a pretty look, it ages my skin. However there will now be a balance where my entire life’s focus is not held kidnapped while I play Captain Planet or Mighty Mouse saving the world (if you do not know who those two are….just go to YouTube, you are either real young or had minimum cartoon days).