I am exhausted!! I am not talking about taking a nap type of exhaustion, not that 8 hour of good sleep exhaustion, this is some hard core deep within my cellular level exhaustion. This goes beyond needing some vitamins, I may need some heavenly intervention on this on, because home girl is TIRED.
This morning as I struggled between housework and entertaining my kids (I do love them, but they can ask some ridiculously deep questions, when you are only capable of shouting off brain farts); I heard my phone beep. Anyone who knows me knows that I am never too far from my phone, but this time I was just too tired to run to it. A few minutes later I picked it up and saw that it was time to put down the broom and send the kids into the next room; one of my friends seem to be having some difficulty (to put it likely) and it was time to focus.
The back story to this friendship is very simple, I met her in university and my soul tied. Now get your mind out of the gutter, this was a tie of sisterhood. I am so tempted to write her name but I never write people’s real names but this chick is such an Empress in every sense of the word; so I’m gonna name her Queen, and I think the name fits her force perfectly. Queen is a silent yet loud whisper, she represents the perfection of talent wrapped tightly in a loving soul. There is so much talent within this woman that sometimes I think the universe may have predestined her for a greatness that this world may never be worthy of. Her ability to write, produce, her poetry, her photography (the list goes on), I mean the chick got skills. And yes most people would be quite comfortable with that resume and who would blame them. But my Queen does not stop there. She spends her days as a teacher, not the just for a salary teacher, but one who gives her heart to her students as she breathes inspiration and motivation into their beings; probably developing our future leaders, mothers and fathers…my Queen is genuinely creating a future nation. Yet that still is not enough for her, she takes it to another level. Queen is involved in countless community groups where she gives back not just to youths but to the empowerment of women, her country and her race………She is a Queen.
But today this empress, this lady and icon was doubting herself. You see for a few moments a woman’s real enemy crept into this queen and was able to engulf her thought pattern to the point that Doubt was able to strengthen and move into a physical existence. As I know Doubt so well, we have had an ongoing love hate relationship, I was able to pick up his aroma oh so quickly.
You see Doubt dances through your thoughts, he lingers in the background waiting for his moment. He sees the moment when you question your outfit, hairstyle or even the way you cook your eggs in the morning. He slides behind your ears and reminds you of previous wardrobe disasters and raises the intensity even higher. But you have to realize Doubt’s game plan is not to make you arrive to your destination late, Doubt does not want you to reach your Destiny. This two bit magician, wanna be illusionist has no real talent on his own, he depends on your memory and imagination to gain strength. He takes memories of small failures, lost loves, moments when you didn’t really measure up and spins the threads of your imagination, sewing in the emotions that bind to develop scenes within your mind.
Doubt had his claws on my girl’s neck, tightening his grip as she started losing sight of her own reflection. You see without going all into Queen’s business, she forgot that she was the one who wore the crown and not Doubt. She was blinded to her long reign as a queen. Doubt covered her memories of greatness and shielded her vision from her future. We have all been there so we know how suffocating this moment can be.
Fortunately I don’t think that this moment is my girl’s full stop, I don’t even see it as a comma in her life story. A queen is a queen. She may shed a tear today, but those tears are going to water new ideas, new dreams and she is going to make it. So until she is ready to keep her crown stapled to her head on her own, I’m gonna stand right by her, ready to slap the shit out of Doubt.
Because what Doubt may have forgotten is that that Wadadli Queen kept this Kittitian Queen up when I wasn’t strong enough and walked with me through my own doubtful moments; and queens stand together. So Doubt this is your eviction notice, we may get tired, we may shed tears, but queens stand united and your lease on our lives is up.