Day Three in Discovering the Roles we play in our lives, and today I think I will take a look at two complete opposites. I thought I would be able to type today using two hands and full concentration, but I guess my daughter still thinks that I can function using one hand on the keyboard and the other as a stand in teddy bear for her. Oh well here goes………
Have you ever watched some of those teenage movies, where the main character is traumatized daily by a bully or group of bullies? Where the bully takes pure pleasure in ridiculing or beating the self-esteem and identity out of the beloved character. Then again, many of you may have lived through your own versions of these movies, and may carry the scars from these encounter whether they occurred on the playgrounds, family rooms or your company’s board rooms. Some of these scars moved inwards from the external tears and bruised faces and wrapped themselves around your identity. Thus blurring your eyes, silencing your ears and deforming the way you treat yourself. Or maybe some of you accepted the domestic violence or passive aggression that existed in your homes and societies, as a floor plan on how you should act and what you deserve. The funny thing is that due to the internal scars and insecurities, you decided to bully your own damn self.
The scars whisper into you and tell you that you are not worthy, and that you should be beaten down and treated like a secondary human, unworthy of respect or love. And under their spell and manipulation, you prepare your ambush your fears and weaknesses and attack them daily, like they owe you lunch money. Day by day you speak negativity into your own life….”oh it’s because I’m fat, oh it’s because I’m skinny, I won’t be able to get that job/opportunity/person, because I have so many flaws, I’m not strong enough, I am just like my mother or my daddy, no body from my family/neighborhood did anything, I don’t have a degree or financing to try….., I am a single parent, I am married, I am alone.” I think you get the picture, it’s time to leave that bully behind, evict the negative scars out of your system and reboot your way of thinking. I don’t expect it is going to happen overnight, but just like those movies, it takes one big effort and continuous work…..but it is possible.
We need to be our own boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lovers…fill in whatever name you want to. But there comes a time in our lives when we need to court and make love to our own selves. No I am not talking about masturbation, which is part of your personal journey, a part that I have chosen not to comment on… At least not today. I am talking about forming a loving and respectful relationship with ourselves. Today I want us to start dating ourselves, sending love notes to ourselves, cooking fancy meals for ourselves, buy yourself a just because it is Wednesday card/gift. It is time to put that sexy outfit on, just for us. Now I am not encouraging you to forget about your significant other, but I am saying that instead of doing it for them, or to attract them…do it for you.
Love yourself enough that when you look into the mirror, you feel butterflies in your chest…similar to the ones you felt for your first love. I know I am not the only person who had butterflies or get all giddy when that whatsapp message flashes on your phone when you have a crush. You know we have all had that moment, well this is how you should feel when you look at yourself, and when you think about how you and love up on you. I think when we first have a strong relationship with ourselves, that we make it near impossible for us to accept anything less than worthy attempts from other people. When you are willing to spend time getting to know yourself, there is no way some guy/girl can tell you that they are always too busy to even call you…yes papi I said call, not message or text, but CALL. Even people in prison make an effort to make calls, so never accept the no time to call excuse….Call your own self and leave your own voice note. Be your own love
Part Four is on its way…..