In case you haven’t realized by now I am a grown woman. Which you probably already guessed due to the fact that I have stated shamelessly that I am a mother of two amazing, yet remarkably sarcastic loving daughters. Being a woman with at least three full decades under her belt nearly four [but we don’t have to discuss that for another year or so],…… a marriage that produced the two kids and a divorce – if you ask me, I think that they were worth it, ……a few good friends and a few …. I still can’t find a nice way to describe these people…you know that descriptive word again to describe negative people…..
Has left me with too many experiences with trying to balance a career, family, breathing, school projects, my own studies, self-discovery, spiritual growth, blogging, an amazing fiancée [yes I shamelessly added that too], writing, trying to keep a home clean and functioning, attending the necessary social interactions and ohhhh an occasional glass of wine. I think that after all of this uneven balancing and compiling of daily crap, that I deserve moments where I should be able to tell people, even the universe on a whole that today is just not the day. That I have had my fill of crap and I need a day to defecate their energy out of my life.
We should be able to wake up from what should have been a long rested night, with the ability to tell the people who we were destined to interact with, that today is not the day. There should be a Hallmark card for this, I would volunteer to help them create and deliver these cards. And if we can have our plea respected, which is the real key, I would be so happy. Yes you could jump out of the bed and run around the house, the office and social media screaming at everyone to back off from you. But that doesn’t work, because if it did, I would already have those days scheduled for at least year in my calendar like it was a hair or nail appointment. Running and screaming would just make you angry and the people around you hurt, concerned or panic as to what the heck is going on in your head to have you acting like Captain Caveman [yes I watched that cartoon as a kid- and proud]
These days are essentially my way of screaming for an emotional flush…..I hope this makes some kind of sense to you, because it makes sense to me. I think people, your environment, society even the food you eat can and will take a dump on you/in you. The deposits of attitudes, polluted ideology, preservatives and anything against your natural order of being, clogs you up. If you keep adding and adding these things, everyday with expectations and loaded conversations. I get tired and I don’t mean physical tiredness, I get tired of people believing that I can balance the universe in my hands, spin miracles out of my fingers and release words that can change time. I am sorry I am not God, I may be his child, but I am not him. There is just so much that one person can take, and I am sorry if no one else has the brashness to say this, and I doubt I am the only one who is missing out on the positivity and beauty around them because they all clogged up.
For example, have you ever been walking to a meeting and your mind is so wrapped up with the expectations and challenges of the upcoming meeting and the mess you left in the house as you raced to get the kids ready for school. After they couldn’t find that school book or school uniform that you have told them for a million times to prep the night before……unless you have lived with kids, you just won’t know the drama that a school morning can bring. And in this moment as you focused on the past and future issues….you did not realize that the office garden was filled with butterflies. Not the one off butterfly, but a family reunion of butterflies that you would have only seen if you actually had time to go outside of built up areas and spend time in nature. You were too busy creasing your forehead as you stressed out over everything, that you did not even realize that for the first time in months, your skin was actually glowing and not being attacked by adult acne. And yes because you was so filled up with crap, you did not even see the God sent rainbow dancing across the sky.
Now I am not saying we need to just go and stand outside and spin around looking for happy moments……then again, maybe we should. Because if this is what it takes to help us to flush and make room for what really matters, the true and many golden moments within each day that we are gifted to experience no matter our mess……yeah change of plan….If you need to spin….spin baby. I am sure if you explained to those around you that spinning and breathing in the air, kept you from going off on them as they attempted to dump…..some of them may just decide to spin with you.