So my last blog entry went off in a direction that I did not expect, but that is life, isn’t it. We may make assumptions on where our paths are going to end up going, with our own crayon colored imaginary pictures of what we will be, what we will do and where we will be. But I have learned that I don’t really know jack, especially when it comes to assuming where my path is going. I am sure if I drew a map of where I started and drew [stick figures as everyone knows that I can’t really draw] my imaginary accomplishments and moments where I thought I would be at ….. It would resemble a nicely laid out Life game. But the joke was and has been on me.
The reality looks more like ….hmmm…I don’t even know how to describe it. I am lost for words [yes it can happen, I am not a dictionary]……but it would have to be a moveable model where pieces interchange and the direction is not straight forward but forward, backward, sideways and upside down in a few areas. There was just no sane or direct path……
I have learned a few things along this rollercoaster path accepting the lessons that life has brought to me; as they have made it much easier to face each journey and to even skip a few boulders on the board game of life. I have learned that I am capable of doing many things, and that if I had only one thing to do, that I would probably implode from unused energy. Now this strangely conflicts with the fact that I have also learned that I need nap time, I need moments, hours, sometimes days when I need to flush all of the extra external energy that I have accumulated. When these external energies combine with my own bubbling internal doubts, layered scars and thick emotional walls…it can really be too much. And I crave and crash into moments of where I don’t do a dang thing. This is when I just crash and sleep, listen to music or watch Hallmark movies while eating ice-cream, drinking peppermint tea or wine [don’t judge me].
I have learned that I like helping people, it makes me feel good. And while getting paid to help people is always a wonderful thing and I enjoy it immensely. There are those moments when you can help someone who didn’t expect it, for free…now that is priceless. This may just be my own way of coloring the universe. But I believe that when you do good things and help other people, it puts out a golden energy into the universe that helps to make up for all the shitty stuff that other people do. I actually told a friend of mine today that she didn’t have to thank me, I didn’t do it for a Thank you…I told her that I believe there isn’t enough coffee to make some people’s bad mind look good that there are enough shitty people on the planet; and I had no reason to be one of them….truth is I could feel her energy change and her confidence build as we got stuff sorted. That was all the thanks I could ever need. I know there have been many occasions where someone did something to help me along my path, and I will always be grateful for their help and the positive energy that they have deposited in my life.
Oh and I am sure that any mother can attest to this lesson. I have learned that children may, nah change that to will, always find a way to say “Mommy”, “Mommy”, “Mommy”. I mean I am learning this lesson right now as my teenage daughter has been intentionally choosing to ask me random, off the wall, weird things just to see if she can distract me. I actually think she is getting great pleasure out of this…..I mean this child is laughing after me, each time I have to lift my fingers from the keyboard……Anyways, yes children have a way of distracting you from your daily path. You may have the best game plan laid out for how your day or week is going to go and how your budget is going to stretch. Then crap happens as they have a way of waving their little wands and ripping that well laid out plan to pieces. From catching the flu the week you have to make a big presentation [did I mention that most kids share their germs to you while you care for them], the calls from the school that your child needs you or forgot their books at school and they have to get them right away or else the planet will swing out of its position in the galaxy. And of course you go running to nurse, fix, comfort or build whatever you need to do, while trying your best to balance the other things going on in your life. With this lesson, I have learned to laugh at each situation, to always have a medical kit and a craft go to kit [you would be surprise with the amount of homework projects my kids remember they have to hand in the next day….at bedtime]
There are so many other lessons along the ever changing obstacle course of life, but my youngest daughter has now changed the music on YouTube that I listen to while I type and changed it to Aphmau. No I am sorry but there is no way I am going to have a complete thought while hearing this in the background… But it suits me right for trying to write while they are up. I normally write after bedtime but my bright self-wanted to study tonight and decided to write in the background on the sofa…… Oh well that dream is over. [another lesson learned]