Tonight, well what is left of the night as it is already 11 pm; I thought I would share a little bit of what I have been working on for some time. I took a bit of break from it to allow myself the mental space to be able to dedicate myself fully. My daughter always said that people shouldn’t multi task, but quality task. Well its time to invest quality time and love back into this story, and I am hoping to have it finished pretty soon. Pray for me, its about to get real in the writing process; blogging may be breathing but writing gives me purpose.
Book In Progress Excerpt…….(Unedited)
“Cage knew her journey very well, she knew all of the ways that she had sabotaged her life. Facing her past was never an easy task, though she tried to make it appear that she was okay, deep down she faced internal battles that sometimes left her physically weak. She kept a lot of her thoughts to herself under the mask of a gentle smile and sarcastic humor fearing additional rejection or judgment. Sometimes she would pretend to the point that she would fool herself into forgetting that it was just a mask.
Deep down Cage did not think that she was worthy and often considered herself broken goods. She was very good at blending in, but she never really belonged. The fact that different people saw her as different things, was just an example of how much she could evolve and adapt to different environments and people. This skill set allowed her to blend in without attracting too much attention to herself. Where her friends yearned for attention, she was afraid of it. It wasn’t that she was against any form of interaction with others- men, she just knew what it meant. It always meant the same thing, it would either lead to rejection or their wandering words, eyes and hands.
As if the scars and soul ties left behind from their hands were not deep enough, she had unknowingly in her attempt to self-medicate her pain started to inflict her own scars unto her body and mind. After many failed attempts to relationships, she just did not believe that she deserved to have a balanced relationship. She started to believe the words whispered to her as a child. It was not as if any one person had actually told her that she was a bad child, instead she was told that she was a disappointment or that she was not as good in whatever her chosen interest was. Sarcastic comments about her appearance or her introvert nature was always released at the perfect time to leave her questioning herself. Though alone this might not have broken many, when combined daily and over time, with the battles she already faced; it was too much. As such in an effort to gain moments of peace, she would have casual relationships or what could just be seen as what it was- sex.
Cage always knew that she knew better than this, she knew that none of these men really loved her, they were just drawn to her and what they described as her sex appeal. Cage would in time learn that it was not really sex appeal. It would take her years of self-searching and prayer before she could accept that she had to put a stop to the self-sabotage. Her journey so far had not been an easy one but over time she realized that what had happened in her past was not her fault, however it would be her own wrong doing if she continued on the same track. Her process to reclaim her life had involved releasing many negative connections, Cage was capable of saying and doing enough wrong, she clearly did not need anyone else doing it to her. Her family was not that supportive of her new life choices but it was where she needed to be and what she needed to do……”