I do not have all of the answers, and if I am honest with myself, I would now say that I will never know all of the answers. Even if read every book in every library in every country, I would not know everything. I am not a deity [nor do I wish to be], just created by The Deity. My creation has brought with it many gifts which in my opinion include: a love for music, a love for food, and the ability to spin and play with words. This may seem trivial to some, but after great observation, I have realized that everyone does not share this love.
Many people live their lives wrapped in the chains of logic without emotions. This, I have calculated, must be a lonely and uneventful way to live. The inability to shed an emotional tear from reading a good poem, or the emotional tsunami that follows listening to a new song, seems as tragic as spending one’s life behind walls. Now I have not always seen my emotional soul, wrapped in a layer of logic, as a gift. Most of the people that I knew were either logical or emotional; there were very few, if any, who had to find a split between the two. And there were very few moments when this split would be equal and balanced. This, thus, made me a little odd, different, and even weird.
This is something that I had to take a lot of time [years…some of us are slow learners], prayer and a bit of observation to unwrap. You see, not every gift is wrapped in pretty, glistening wrapping paper, tied together with bright and textured ribbons. They tend not to be given to us on expected days or celebrations.
There are no fairy god mothers who appear on the day of our birth; who look at us and decree what gifts/talents/favor we will be granted. If this were so, then clearly, they forgot to show up on my birth date. Or they developed a weird and somewhat mean sense of humor when they looked into my crib and saw me. Because there wasn’t any flashing light or magical twirling to reveal my gifts. It took what resembled a combination of the Hunger Games and Scandal, and even that may be an understatement, to ‘find’ myself.
The “Gift” that stands out the most [in my opinion, as it is my life] is empathy… If you thought I was going to say the gift of singing, clearly you have not been reading my blog for a long time ¾ I can’t hold a note. Maybe you thought I was going to claim the gift of art…. again, you don’t know me well…. I burned my knee trying to hot glue my child’s school project [long story]. As you can see I have had some time to consider this thing, as there were no fairies in my fairy tale. Now this has been the trickiest and strongest of them all. Sure, I can organize any project, and twirl around resources and words into position like the best majorette. But that is nothing compared to being able to observe others, and ‘feel’ them out. Yes, that may make observation easier and help me assist others. But unlike the other gifts that I can choose when to use or not to focus on, the tight rope of finding balance with empathy can be very risky and sometimes it leaves me deflated of my own strength and filled with sometimes other people’s negative energy [not everyone is a dancing care bear on the inside]. There weren’t any fairies to provide me with a procedure manual on how and when to use this gift; or how not to absorb or feel too much of the other person’s energy. If there is such a manual where is my copy???!!!!!
Nevertheless, the point of this whole long digression is that we don’t always get the gifts/talent that we think we should get, how we should get it and when. We do not always get the gifts our best friends or celebrity crush may have. We get what we get, and we get it the way we get it. Sometimes what we get comes with a cost, yes dear… everything that glitters is not gold… some are just shiny from a distance. But when you get up close, you see the wear and tear that it takes to hold and manage what you thought was all glittery and pretty. And while you may think that someone is ‘too blessed,’ do try to calm your ego down and look deeper, and know that we all must carry the cost. I was truly trying not to go too deep with this post and leave it light……but…. When you look [if you do] in the Bible and start saying all those wonderful things about the female characters in its pages, ask yourself these questions: “Didn’t Ruth have to lose her husband, be a widow, endure poverty and experience shame before she was able to meet Boaz? Didn’t Mary have to go through teenage pregnancy, the shame of being an unwed mother ¾ which in those days meant being stoned to death ¾ giving birth in a dirty smelly manger, run for her and her baby’s life into Egypt, then watch her child die on a cross?” Yes, for each gift, reward, favor…there is a cost and a weight to carry…..
This is clearly going to go into a part three, as I think I may have just touched on something that needs more time, and this post is already too long…I promise to try and put it up before the end of the week.