As weird as this blog post title may sound, know that there is a really good reason for it. I was challenged!!! And everyone who knows me knows that I love a good [sane] challenge. Then the past 72 [maybe] hours occurred …….and the emotional tornado that it brought with it….this is when I realized that life is really too short, and sometimes I am going to have to step out of my comfort zone and approach topics that I may not be 100% comfortable with. Topics like these are not results of races ran or trophies that line my walls. These are topics that I have to face every day, similar to everyone else [and if you don’t face them to some degree every day, then you are either super amazing or you lie to yourself a little too much for an adult].
Doubt, though small in size, is the nasty five letter word who draws its strength from a few simple yet just as dangerous horrible words. You see, Doubt on its own has no real power, and would pass you by with less effect than a passing breeze on a cold day. But with its entourage of support, Doubt is able to grow from its insignificant size into a restrictive and treacherous giant.
Fear is a dirty four-letter word that gives Doubt its muscle and shape. Fear is what keeps Doubt around longer than the few second it deserves. It forces itself into your energy space and wreaks havoc like an invading virus. But these two bad boys do not fight fair nor do they fight alone. So when you are ready to face them, keep in mind that they are going to bring reinforcements just in case. And this is where the seducing tongue of Ignorance [not knowing what can and has been done] and her best friend Jealousy comes into the fight. For what is an internal dialogue without the lack of the resources and ill-equipped upbringing/surroundings to add to the mental maze. Some people in their effort to tag in a fresh fighter may even turn to a friend or family member, but there’s one problem with that-I have still not seen the blind lead the blind out of a storm. And when people have fought similar battles as you and have given up half way through the second round, how can you expect them to guide you when you are facing your seventh round with Doubt.
Fear of the unknown, not knowing what steps to take and the possibility of failing at the steps you actually take can be really restrictive. Fear is a bully that sneaks up behind you, it tells you that you will fail, that you are aiming too high. Google says that fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or perceived threat. You don’t need to have facts to get frightened. Just an idea can have you panicking and running for the hills. Just one simple “What if” can lead to a numbing hysteria and cause you to miss out on your opportunities and throw you completely off your path.
I did not have to Google or look on YouTube to see examples of the debris fields that Doubt and her gang left behind as they moved through lives, families, communities, even nations. I don’t have to research and look far, because life has provided me with many examples. It has become a near daily observation where I see people crippled by doubt and fear instead of leaping through life in faith. I have come to know too many-too many wannabe entrepreneurs, could be entrepreneurs, should be artists, could be leaders, should have been couples, ought to be caregivers-who question their God given talent and universal resources, and who allowed Doubt and its loud friends to direct and lead them instead of the voice of their Heavenly Deity.
But let’s be honest, I didn’t have to go far to see the effects of Doubt. I have carried her as a companion for decades, doubting everything from my existence to my purpose…giving an ear to Fear as she tells me that I can’t do it and never will. I have heard the seductive harmony of Ignorance and Jealousy as others spoke down into my life’s energy, confining me to their small boxes. Their chorus played louder every time I was given the opportunity to climb out of the barrel; fighting me as if they themselves were fearful of their own vision in which they would be left with their own scars and self-imposed shells as they remained locked away.
With this captivity in mind-and even under the choir chant of Doubt and Friends-I walk closer to the month of June. I am not sure of where June will take me, and yes May was a roller coaster in itself, throwing me in circles and down some uncharted emotions and experiences. But I am going to walk towards June [God willing]; I am going to open life’s doors and with deep breaths I am going to step forward with my head held high.