So, I spent a few days researching a topic to blog on this week, and trust me it was delicious. I had all the words bouncing around in my head, all ready to go. But the Universe does not always allow my plans to get played out, and sometimes there is a need to stray from the topic and delve into something else. Why? Who knows? It has happened a few times and I no longer fuss. I guess the words needed to be written and somewhere they needed to be read. [Early Disclaimer: My use of the English language is just that, mine…. It is not meant to be offensive, but it’s the way my brain puts things together and I have an eclectic sense of humor…for the past thirty-nine years, it has worked pretty well for me. That being said, let’s go.]
Have you ever just had too much F’s in your life??? I’m so serious! Are there moments when the negative F’s in your life overwhelm you and knock you out? Or do they creep up and whisper into your ear daily? I know I am not the only one, you wouldn’t be reading my blog if you didn’t face your own level of F every day. This is not a blog for perfect people. But for people who are trying/fighting to walk forward in spite of their inconsistencies. But to allow some clarity, I will make it clear. Have you ever had to fight Fear and its tag team partner, the energy that makes you think that you are a Fool?? Within each of us lies a voice. If you are fortunate, that voice lays dormant at most times with only hushed whispers escaping from its underbelly. Unfortunately for many of us, such whispers are not our typical experience. In place of the soft whimper of an inner voice, we instead feel the gigantic negative tremors filled with fear to make us feel like fools.
So, we have mentioned the F’s, and as with all good fights there must be someone willing to battle on our behalf, and mine was my Stubborn streak. [I guess it is not good to say that I am stubborn, but writing lies require at least five more hours than expressing the truth. And I have other things I would rather do with my grind or sleep time.] It is this Stubborn streak that I rely on to fight the inner F’s. Similar to the F’s, my streak has to wake me out of my sleep and even shift my direction along my path. Stubborn’s battle with Fear and Fool can be quite epic. There were many times in the past that Fear and Fool would team up and cheat their way through the Fight. This has resulted in me backing away from many opportunities, and hiding behind the pillars of: ‘I am too shy,’ ‘I don’t like speaking in public,’ ‘I don’t have the resources,’ ‘I am not as smart as…,’ and of course the Mount Everest of reasons, ‘I am just not good/strong enough.’ With these loud hits, I was normally sent into the corner too afraid to try.
But there is something about my Stubborn streak…she has gotten stronger as I’ve gotten older. She is also a good learner, and over the past few decades she has applied her acquired wisdom, increasing her ability to adapt. When Fear and Fool come running in at her, she is now able to stand stronger, as she too has gained her own little F’s. The tricky little F’s are not able to face her own growing F’s – Fact & Favor. You see Fact has shown me that, in the past, it was not luck that pulled me out of harm’s way [I don’t believe in luck, if I did I would also believe in leprechauns – and you don’t see me chasing the end of many rainbows looking for gold… Do you?] But Favor… Favor from God has always stood with me and provided not just moments, but the universal resources that were necessary to achieve many impossible goals. And Stubborn knows that Favor will walk before her as she journeys on her path. As you can expect, this allows Stubborn to develop a few muscles. The thing is, when you know that you have the Creator of the universe in your corner, and He is the one who crafted and molded you, you start to see a shift in the fight. If God is the Almighty, and was before time and will be after time, one would think He knew a little about who you would be and what you would face. [Baring that in mind, this is the way I see it, you are free to see it any way you choose.] But with this in mind, He clearly would have equipped you for every situation that will arise. And not only that, I doubt He would leave you stranded… I mean, you are His kid. He would have already provided you with a Trust fund of universal resources that you should be able to tap into whenever the need arises…. again Fact.
As Stubborn is my girl, you know she isn’t just going to be comfortable throwing a few hits, especially after all the emotional damage inflicted by Fear and Fool over the years. She is gonna go deep with her attacks. And knowing that their overall plot was to cause her to fail, she shows very little remorse. The thing is…with each fall, Fear and Fool were actually helping Stubborn to grow and develop. Every time I fell, I hit the ground hard, and each time I convinced myself that I would never get back up. [As Stubborn can easily be replaced with a few pronouns, such as I or Me…. hmmm…. maybe even You.]
I can tell you, as a 100% Fact, that there were many times that I doubted the ability to even look up, much less get up. But there is something about falling down after trying. It gives you the ability to observe miracles from a different point of view. Stubborn realized that no matter the amount of times that Fear and Fool knocked her out, she always woke up, she always recovered. Now, I am not saying that you should be a punching bag for anything or anyone. I am actually hoping that reading about my fights will actually keep you from entering the ring all together, or at least fewer times.
After realizing that Stubborn has won more bouts over Fear and Fool, I realized that I needed to rename her. I am no longer rebelling against the status quo. It is no longer a reactive response to life, or what or who may come at me. My Stubborn streak has been replaced with a sense of calm, resulting in it no longer being about fight or flight. I no longer have to fight to fit in, or to battle to prove anything. With this peace, I can comfortably say that my stubborn streak has been replaced with my new Big F – Faith. I have Faith that God is in control and that once I stay on His path, it may not always be pretty and it may not always be as expected…. but He will always be with me in any of life’s battles…..and that is now my Fact!
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