I’m Elle, a Social Coach who specializes in self-growth and relationships. I give practical, meaningful and often very straightforward advise and life guidance to those who want to make that progression towards a happier fuller life!
I think there is one thing that has a monumental impact on a person’s life and how they look at falling in love, and that is dealing with heartbreak. It can help shape and define how you see future relationships in either positive or negative way, and sometimes it can hold you back on letting go and embracing love again. Whether it be the loss of a loved one or a relationship breaking down, we tend to process them in very similar ways. There is a grief that holds us in the moment and we struggle to see how we can ever be the same. And I think in some ways we are never the same, but use that as a strength, not a weakness.
I am going to give you 4 of Elle’s wise guides on how to move on with your life and get over that broken heart.
- Have a life.
It’s important to maintain an independent life while in a relationship, because if it suddenly breaks down you have an existing support system in place. If you only focus on your relationship and drop your social life, hobbies, and interests that are independent of that relationship, if it ends, you are left with a huge void in your life and you can end up feeling isolated and lonely. Having your own set of friends and social activities will mean that you have other things to focus on if a relationship breaks down. And in my opinion, it makes for a much healthier relationship in the first place. If you don’t have any of this already then start now — take up that new hobby, call up those friends, or better yet make new ones by taking a cooking class, joining a social group or start some charity work. Something to get you busy and that you enjoy.
- Go cold turkey a little bit.
As much as I admire people who like to remain friends with an ex, I don’t always think it’s healthy. It can be so much more complicated if you have children involved — and I would say that is really the only exception — but as a rule, I feel that “out of sight, out of mind” is the best policy when getting over a heartbreak. I am not saying you need to cut this person off completely or ignore them every time you see them, but distancing yourself can go a long way in healing that broken heart. They are familiar to you and as human beings, we find comfort in the familiar because it feels safe. That connection you have may not be entirely gone, and if you aren’t able to close that off and remain friends, then there is only one place this is going to go and that’s back to the bedroom! So many of us make that mistake and we end up even more broken-hearted because the break up is being dragged out longer than it needs to be. Make a meaningful distance between the two of you until that feeling of longing has gone; only after that can it ever really work as friends. You need time to heal, grow and reflect in the experience, and it’s hard to do that when you keep a constant reminder of the pain too close to you to actually be able to move on.
- There was someone before him and there will be someone after.
This is something I always tell myself and others when giving dating advice. I personally don’t believe in ‘The One’ or a ‘soulmate’. I think that out of the 7+ billion people in the world there cannot statistically be only one perfect person for you. I know that’s how it feels when you meet someone and fall madly in love with them, but I believe it’s all about right place, right time, right guy — you meet someone, you connect and are compatible, and you are both at the right point in your lives where you want to commit, and it works. No matter how perfect you think someone is for you, if these 3 things are not aligned it won’t work. You will always have the chance to meet someone new, and no matter what stage in your life you are at, you can always start over. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, believe in yourself and keep walking.
- Get back out there.
The only way to meet someone new is to get out there. Opportunities don’t come to you, you have to make them happen, so start to date again. It doesn’t mean you should jump right back into a relationship, but just see it as meeting someone new — the opportunity to have some good conversation, flirt and feel good about yourself. Too many people see dating as the means to an end these days and forget to just enjoy the experience and the journey to meeting someone new. Don’t be afraid of making that commitment again though; when it feels right, don’t let the pain of a past heartache stop you from taking dating into a relationship. It is important to process what you feel properly and take in what value you can take from the experience, but you need to, at some point, let that go and move forward. You can’t stay in an emotional limbo forever.
For more of Elle’s Wise Guides please check out her blog by following the link below! To keep up-to-date and have access to all her podcasts and vlogs, use the subscribe button at the bottom of her page.
For all advise, social media inquiries and coaching requests, please contact her through her contact me button on her blog or through her social media accounts.