Disclaimer: This blog is going to be straight to the point (don’t say that you weren’t warned).
If you have been on my Facebook page lately, you may have seen when I posted: “You so busy chatting and judging Eve, when you still have a couple of apple cores caught in your throat.”
I experience great awkwardness when I flashback on the time in my life where I took ‘good up’ [a Caribbean term] and limited time and dedicated it to discussing or analyzing other people’s business. Knowing my analytical self, my brain devoted serious energy to breaking down what was wrong and compared them to my life or those around me. No! No! No! This behavior was inappropriate then and is greatly unacceptable now! To be honest, there are some individuals who I no longer communicate with because the value of our relationship came up short, as our interactions hinged mainly on discussing others and nothing about how we could be doing better as friends, family, etc. in our own personal lives or communities. BUT let it be fully noted…I am not saying that I don’t presently take part in a few doses of gossip. What I am suggesting is that we-the collective ‘we’ a.k.a. humanity-need to do better. And as no one of us is better than the other, here a few humble questions I’ve compiled to ask myself when faced with a plate of compare and contrast that you may find handy.
Have you forgotten that you have your own apple core? Are you really in any position to judge anyone? Don’t you have enough past and present issues held up and decaying in your own throat? Does ridiculing and trying to destroy other people help you forget the bitter taste in your mouth? I know that discussing and ridiculing other people keeps you distracted from your reality. But do remember, there is no black and white when it comes to life experiences, clearly not speaking about race, it is all grey with shades of purple [yes, I love purple]. We are all designed to walk life differently. Just because someone else has made more public mistakes than you have, you don’t know where their journey is going to take them. Instead of investing time on their faults, why not invest the time on swallowing/acknowledging your flaws and finding ways to heal.
How is doing this allowing you to help/grow? This suggestion is very simple, so I won’t devote too much time on it. If spending time thinking or talking about someone’s experiences does not teach, inspire or provide you with the opportunity to help them or others, then stop it! You only have 24 hours in your day. Trolling and judging adds no value to your day. Stop it.
How much time are you dedicating to this type of activity? As mentioned above -you only have 24 hours in your day. With each day that is given to you, you are granted opportunities to grow into a better person than you were yesterday. Holding on to habits that consume time that can be allocated more productively is ineffective. And at this stage in my life, I would rather spend a day watching anime with my family than focusing on other people’s apple cores.
Have you taken into account that you are not their potter or map maker? Each person has their own path to take. Even though you may think that, from your vantage point, they are flawed and going in the wrong direction, your opinion does not really matter. From your ‘elite’ spot, you fail to see that there is a destiny on their life, which may not carry them along a straight line [like you want people to believe about you]. Their route may be preordained to resemble a maze. Yes, they may take some turns that lead to some dead ends, but it does not stop their journey or purpose. With encouragement, prayers and the right tools, they will find their own way.
So, let me reiterate-we all have our own apple cores. And if we live long enough, we are all going to chew on a bunch more. Placing people on a scale of perfection [where any of us would be found wanting] does not help anyone. At the end of the day if we cannot find ways to uplift others, then maybe we ought to take time to chew on our own apple cores.