There are times when everything is not going as planned, and you feel like your world is smashing into you. In these moments, listening to someone say that everything happens for a reason is enough to make you cringe and cause you to scream. It is not that we don’t want to believe them, we desperately do want them to be correct. But how can you hold on to their words when deep down you feel that no one can understand what you are truly experiencing. Clearly, if they could only feel what you are experiencing in this moment, they wouldn’t start the conversation by telling you ‘everything happens for a reason’ and expect you to be able to just snap out of it automatically.
What some well-wishing people seem to not realize is that many people, including myself, have faced obstacles at various times in their lives where they are left wondering: ‘Why is this happening to me?’ or ‘How did I get here?’. One of my own favorite thoughts during these moments is ‘how the heck do I fix this and get myself the heck out of this downward event’. This is normally followed by tears under my covers at night while drowning myself in sorrow and ice cream. Needless to say, this method has offered no real solution to any of my problems and, on occasion, when combined with pizza, has just added a few too many pounds to my waistline.
It has taken me a few attempts and many pounds to slowly realize that I needed to start looking at things in a different way. It took a lot of soul-searching, some prayers and a few internal slaps to myself, to force me [sometimes kicking and screaming] to look at things in a different way. Now, I can be very strong-minded and slightly process oriented… and in these moments, I have pushed myself to understand that there had to be some type of logic for the universal sized storms that we all face [and are presently facing] in our lives. So being me, I pushed further, and I started the process of analyzing the cause, effect, and outcome and in the end, they all appeared to show a common thread.
No matter the cause–whether it was an intolerable work environment, loss of job, a friend who turned out not to be a true friend, someone who just used you for what they could gain, a family member who pushed all our buttons the wrong way, or some health, financial, love crisis, global pandemic [take any pick you want… we have all had our moments and seasons of calamities to pull from] the effect was always the same…..We feel out of control and are unable to determine beforehand what the outcome would be. In each crisis, our emotions take over our logical side and would leave us feeling hurt, betrayed, alone, and afraid. And truth and logic be told, we do deserve the right to feel and to dwell in each emotion. Wallowing and remaining in it, however, is another thing all together and we should rebuke the chronic pity party as best we can.
The length of time that we stay in a mindset of chaos and dismay is very much where we still have control. I could choose to flee under my sheets at night feeling afraid, we all can, but this does not make/ will not make every crisis go away. Now I am not saying that an automatic change in mindset makes everything we face disappear into thin air. I was never one to believe in fairy tales, and I am not about to start creating one now. What I am suggesting is that your universe will bend to your thinking and when you make the decision to not be a slave to your emotions and create mental and physical steps to work through or around your situations, they tend to became tolerable and even better.
For me personally, it took a lot of reconstruction in the way I thought about each dilemma and the resources I did have access to. Many different processes and tangible changes had to be put in place. With these changes, my mindset and life began the journey from chaos, to tolerable and then manageable and that is where I started seeing the light and forward movement to positivity. The winds of challenge have blown in for many of us, but I refuse to believe that we will just let those winds blow of us over and we just choose give up and to stay down. I know that we can make it and we can do it together.
This reconstruction led me to start aiming to do more than just being able to manage a crisis but the use of positive thinking, prayer and work to help not only myself, but others overcome. By channeling each predicament,
Three examples, but definitely not limited to these are:
- If we are unhappy at a job, then we can use that uncomfortable energy to push us to take courses or do the research needed to open doors to other opportunities.
- If we have lost a job, we can now use this time to access all of our resources to find not just one job but various streams of income.
- If a relationship has ended, you can take the time to thank God for the end of a situation that clearly was not where you should be and to learn how not to repeat the steps to end back up in another toxic condition.
Are there still times when I may end up under my sheets like an ostrich afraid to face the world? Yes, after all, I am human. But those hidden moments are much fewer and last for shorter periods of time when compared to where I started. Now when I come out from under the covers, I no longer have to wipe the ice-cream from my face. I come out with a game plan and you can too. Remember, by seeing the end of one thing, we are actually being gifted with the ability to be able to look towards the birth of others. Doubt and fear – though they may cloud our vision of what is achievable in our lives – were never created to overcome our internal vision. With this new internal vision we can hold on to the new belief that whatever the battle you or I may be facing, it is only going to be the launching line, to propel us to where we need to be on our lives’ journey. This new visionary line will be our new starting point and not our end.